When My Last Teardrop Falls...

Making Sense...

2007-12-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

Everyday is a struggle sabi nila.. I agree naman. Pero ang struggle ba would hinder you to have fun? I don't think so.. Mahirap talaga ang buhay ng isang researcher, lalo na kung ang show mo ay isang magazine show na kelangan lahat ng story ay bago, kakaiba, at talagang exciting.. Ang sabi ko "mahirap" pero hindi ko sinabing "malungkot"! Mahirap man ang buhay ng isang researcher, masaya naman! Ngek! Panung mahirap ba kasi? Dahil ba di kalakihan ang sweldo? Or dahil mahirap talaga mag-generate ng stories? Sige na nga, kayo na ang magdecide kung bakit nga ba mahirap.. Eto ang kwento ko:

Ang buhay ko ay nagsisimula ng anung araw nga ba? Basta dapat, bago magtapos ang linggo, may story proposals ka na, not just one, not two, pero dapat ay more than 5! Para kung may ma-reject, maraming back-up! Ayun, pag na-approve na ang stories, derecho coordination na yan, tapos schedule mo na ang shoot for your segment producer (SP). At ang assigned shooting days ko lang ay every tuesday and thursday.. Problema ko na pag di ko nasunod yun! :D Dapat ka din mag-provide ng backgrounder or research for your SP.. so ang buhay ng isang researcher ay mula lunes hanggang biyernes na nageextend until weekends kung minsan! We spent hours surfing the net, reading newspapers, magazines, blogs; gumugugol din kame ng mahabang oras sa pagtawag sa telepono just to coordinate and do pre-interviews.. suki na kame sa 187 directory ng PLDT dahil dun namen kinukuha ang mga numbers ng mga companies na aming unang beses makakasalamuha! Syempre 4 researchers kame sa show, so talagang agawan kame sa PC at sa telephone.. hehe! Pero nagbibigayan naman kame nu! Tapos gagawa ka pa ng itinerary ng SP mo para sa shoot, dapat well-coordinated na ang shoot para walang problema, dapat ma-maximize mo ang buong araw kase yun naman talaga ang dapat.. Dapat hindi na kame sumasama sa mga locations, pero minsan kelangan kami sumama pag medyo di maayos ang coordination or kung talagang heavy or maganda ang story.. basta ang alam ko, di talaga namin hawak ang mga oras namen, dahil syempre nasa media kame, round the clock dapat kame (wow sekyu lang?).. May mga pangyayari pa na di namin inaasahan, mga "expect the unexpected" scenarios na sobrang mapapa-tumbling ka sa tindi, like di sumipot ang case study, late ang SP mo at maaapektuhan ang buong sked mo for the whole day, major adjustment talaga!, pinapapalitan ng SP mo ang case study, hihingi ng additional shoots or requirements for the story.. hay.. no matter how organized ka, masisira talaga ang organizational skills mo pag sa ganitong field ka magtatrabaho, PERO masaya naman talaga ang buhay namen!

Pag umere na ang segment mo, makakahinga ka na ng maluwag, ibig sabihin, next stories mo na dapat ang ginagawa mo at ang buong proseso ay mauulit na naman.. Sabi nga nila: "Wag ka munang kampante hangga't di pa umeere ang story mu".. Tama nga naman di ba? May mga araw na naka-tengga kame, kaya ayun, inuubos ang oras sa kwentuhan, sa pagkain ng pishbols, pagpunta sa 7-11, sa pagpicture.. hehe. Masaya talaga. Parang naglalaro lang kami. Pero pag ang pressure ay nandyan na, mag-aadik na kame. Di ko alam if this blog actually made sense, parang wala di ba? Super random ang pagkakasulat, alam na alam na sabog ang sumulat. hehe. Pero eto lang ang masasabi ko, you will never ever understand life in media if you are not actually part of it.. Agree or disagree? Di kase predictable ang buhay dito. Di pwedeng ma-contain sa mga libro lamang.. Pero ang researcher na kagaya ko na super bago pa sa larangang ito ay masaya naman.. Wait, I made sense pala, made sense out of fun.. :D So, macoy, mahirap nga ba talaga ang buhay researcher?? yes, mahirap na masaya! :)

I Died On The 5th Of December

2007-12-05T00:25:00.000-08:00

I remember a chant in the movie "V for Vendetta" that starred Natalie Portman -- "Remember, remember the 4th of November".. and I have my own chant somehow similar to it -- "Never Remember the 5th of December"..

December 5, 2006 - who would have thought that I'll be in a relationship again after almost 4 long years of avoiding and depriving myself to fall in love. Yes, this date marked another milestone in my love affairs. It wasn't expected. It was just for fun, but the next thing we knew, we're serious about the relationship already.

The first few days were spent in adjusting to the set up we have. I was too attached with my friends then that placed my love life on the backseat. I was the type who would never yield to the demands of my partner, in a way, I was a bit apathetic (but in love).. Going home together wasn't a good idea for me, instead, staying out late with friends was better.. Reporting what I'm doing or telling my whereabouts wasn't my kind of game.. Let me live my life and you live yours, that's the deal.. BUT.. one day I woke up totally changed in dealing with our relationship.

WHY, you may ask, four things I'll tell you -- faith, trust, love, and respect are the answers to the "why" question.

Friendship wasn't really the foundation of our relationship, since we weren't friends before. We just used to see each other in the campus, belonging to one organization and one institute. The friendship actually started when we both attended a national congress for college students in Baguio from November 29 to December 3, 2006.. Two days after the congress, when we're finally back in Manila -- there came "us".

As I scribble my thoughts as of this moment, it's been 365 days since the birth of "us". Today, no anniversary is being celebrated - 2 days from now, it will be 5 months since we broke up.. The relationship may have just lasted for 7 months, one can't tell if it's short or long, but for me, it seemed forever.. :(

It was just infatuation at first, and infatuation died its natural death and love blossomed -- that's how our relationship built its foundation. Many has mistaken infatuation for love, but I tell you, and I need not explain, when is the time you know you are in love, truly in love.

COMPASSION. OBSESSION. DIFFUSION. These are the 3 factors you have to deal with when you made a decision to love.

You have to be compassionate with your partner, if not, what's the point of loving? Compassion signifies oneness. In a relationship, I believe, two individuals fuse as one. You love your partner without knowing why or how, you just love unconditionally. You share even you don't have anything, you give even without taking..

Along the way, without actually knowing it, you become obsess to your partner.. you'll never let a day pass without seeing him or her; you talk over the phone without recognizing the passing of time, you text till you both drop to sleep without missing the chance to say "I love you. Good night." and that's not all to it, you still chat over instant messaging, and you guys are connected in online communities like Friendster and Multiply.. and when you are together somewhere, there's no urge to go home even if it's already too late and you keep on saying goodbye but no one wanted to leave first and when you actually parted ways, you miss each other as if you never spent long hours together.. Obsession or not? Your partner never leaves your mind, whatever you do, wherever you are, so there, obsession.

But it has been said that some good things never last, no matter how colorful and promising your love life is, just like any relationships in history, it is bound to end and take its final bow. Here comes diffusion. You have to learn to detach yourself from anything that would remind you of your partner and even to him or her.. That's the way things has to be.. "letting go was never an easy thing" and "letting go was just another way of saying I will always love you so".. you simply have to let go and get hurt, get hurt until it hurts no more. Nights will be spent wondering what went wrong in your relationship, hugging your pillow so tight wishing you're together again, and you'll wake up feeling so alone and cursing the sun why it still dawned on you, wanting darkness to envelope you for eternity since losing your partner means death and yes, I died on the 5th of December.

Tomorrow I know I will love again. And with that, I will be resurrected.

"FIVE 4 FiGHTiNG" will always be in my heart, BUT I have to say goodbye for now, BEBI.. Let me love another so I will grow...

the X-men encounter..

2007-11-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

November 24, 2007 -- i thought this day would just be another insignificant day of my life.. I was set to go drinking at night with friends, but it never occured in my mind that something "memorable" (but I rather forget) would happen.. where else? at Trinoma.

let me go straight to the point.. I had my closest encounter with my, yeah, "X".. 4 months after our break up that shattered my entirety. waah.. i did not expect na magkikita kame, imi-meet ko lang nun were my two friends (geraldine and leo) na friend niya din. so there, pinapunta din pala siya dun..

at bago siya dumating, i wanted to leave, kaya lang geraldine would get mad at me if ever umalis ako sa place.. so i stayed.. at ayun, dumating nga siya.. and I was obviously, disgustingly rattled sa presence niya. sabi nga ni leo, "Balisa" daw ako.. and i didn't know why.. we had encounters naman before but not as close as what happened that time..

so there. gee and leo made an excuse na punta sila sa rest room.. obviously, gusto lang talaga nila kame iwan even for some couple of minutes.. silence enveloped the spot where we were.. would i or not strike up the conversation? and siya ang unang nagtanong..

X: wala kang pasok ngayon?
Macoy: Kanina, tapos na.. saglit lang ako dun ehh..
X: ahh..
Macoy: Kumain ka na?
X: yep. kanina. sa school..
Macoy: ahh ok. dessert?
X: no. wag na.
Macoy: ok.

--silence again-- and gee and leo arrived.

then they talked.. i was just observing, kunwari attentive ako sa pag-uusap so i gave reactions like patawa-tawa, smiles, nods.. pero what i'm actually doing was observing my X.. kung panu siya tumawa, ngumiti, at magsalita.. na-miss ko lahat ng mga to sa kanya.. tinitigan ko siya kung anu ba ang nabago sa kanya, parang wala naman pero mali ako, lahat pala nagbago na between us.. we're like strangers with known names na lang sa isa't-isa.. di ko siya malapitan, mahawakan, maka-tawanan gaya ng dati, or even makausap man lang.. masakit pala yung ganun..

there. nauna na umuwe si leo.. so nagdecide na si X umuwe din. gee insisted na mag-dessert muna kaming 3.. pero ayaw nya talaga no matter how hard gee insisted.. di niya ako kinakausap so in return, di ko din siya kinausap.. nakakatawa kame.. i learned na binulungan nya pala si gee ng, "friend, i feel awkward, intindihin mu naman ako.."

AWKWARD?? haha. havent't i felt that, too? sino ba ang na-stuck, sinu ba nag di makapag-move on, sinu ang mas nasasaktan? di ba ako?!! so ako ang dapat may mas karapatan na maka-feel ng pagiging awkward.. (pero sige, you can feel that too.)

while walking towards the fx terminal outside trinoma, may nakakita sa amin na 3 students with green-checkered skirts (yes, students from FEU).. pointing at us.. and one girl yelled "uy si (name ni X), kasama si (name ng bago ni X), ayy hindi pala.."

hindi talaga! coz it was me and gee who were with my X.. and yes, napagkamalan ako at ang bago ni X ay iisa!.. upon hearing that statement, bigla akong nag-init, i grabbed gee sa arms niya and kinaladkad ko siya patawid ng north avenue disregarding the fast vehicles approaching.. a pajero almost hit gee and i didn't even think of her safety.. (sorry for that my friend).. when we reached SM The Block, i was a bit hysterical.. been asking gee if pwede na ba akong magwala where we were standing by that time but she calmed me..

we rode a cab going to N20 at sgt. esguerra kung san kame iinom talaga with our friends.. and it was a good venue to let out whatever i was feeling then.. mapagkamalan ka ba naman na ikaw at ang bago ng X mo ay iisa (b*llsh*t di ba?).. hahaha! ayun.. kawawang wall ng CR sa N20, yun ang napagtripan ko.. haha!

bow. :D lesson learned? ewan ko ba. makukuha sa tagay yan! :D

Not About You..

2007-11-30T06:23:00.000-08:00

So as not to create confusion, a status you had claimed the day you pledged goodbye, I am making it clear. This is not about you.

It took you one day to write all your promises, but you broke them all even before you had them made. I can still taste the sweet words you whispered; only now, they have turned bitter.

That passionate look in your eyes simply took my breath away, but don't worry, it still does, only now, literally.

Of course this is not about you. Trust me.

Unfortunately, what we shared in the short time we spent has now crumbled into small pieces. I know you told me to put back all the pieces, which I did, and you know that. But it didn't last long. Soon enough it crumbled again long before I was able to put them back together.

Please understand that all this, I didn't plan. If you think there's someone better than I am, I wouldn't actually wallow on negative emotions. It may hurt at the moment, but hey, I really understand. Trust me, I do. And oh, I am not bitter.

And if you are thinking again that everything here is about you, it is not.

Remember when you told me you that you loved me, the sun was about to bid the earth goodbye, and when it came back to greet the world again, you chose not to love me anymore? It bears a strong resemblance to what we had shared, but I apologize, none of these is about you.

As you can see, everything here is about You...

and Me.

Balahura.. Ba-La-Hu-Ra! Balahurrrrr!

2007-11-22T02:00:00.000-08:00

Dahil kami ay nasa media, medyo mga pakawala talaga kame (oo, kung anuman ang pagkakaintindi nyo sa word na yan).. ang researchers ng aming show (SAPULSO - QTV 11) ay sanay na sanay mangbalahura sa isa't isa. Eto na ang mga linyang tatalo sa mga linyang pumatok sa Primetime Bida at Telebabad! Chos! :D Kahit nga mga linya nina Ate Guy, Ate Shawie, at Ate Vi ay tataob sa amin! :D

Cast: Researchers NOT Coordinators:

--Donna Jane - babaeng may HITA! (all caps ang word na "hita") :D

--Aubrey - woman of the gangs (ng Payatas, Baseco, Tondo, etc.) :D

--Jessica - babaeng Jollibee o kaya DAISY DUCK! :D

--Macoy - alam na! ULO! :D

Eksena #1: Nagtatype si Macoy ng letter, eh magtatype din si DJ..

DJ: Macoy! Importante ba yan??
Macoy: Oo! Mas importante pa sayo! >:)

Eksena #2: Nagchecheck si Aubrey ng friendster account ng first and only ex-bf nya..

Aubrey: Hay.. Dati di siya ganyan. Ngayon marunong na sya mag-ayos..
Macoy: Te Aubs, kung pinagpalit ka nya sa panget, move on na, ibig sabihin, mahal nya talaga yun! :D

Eksena #3: May umeeksenang panget na lalaki kay DJ na ayaw niya..

DJ: Eew! Ayokong magkaron ng history na nakipagkita ako sa panget, lalo na pag sumikat nako! :D

Eksena #4: Nag-e-emote si Jess, nalaman niya na may anak yung chorva niya..

Jess: Macoy, may anak pala si chorva..
Macoy: So? At least napatunayan mo na lalaki siya! :D

Eksena #5: Nagwawala si Aubrey..

Aubrey: Waah! Tinanggihan ako ng mga gang! Ayaw ako i-gang rape! :D

--comment: "i understand them.. kahit gago sila, tao pa din sila!" :D peace!

SI MACOY BA ANG BIDA DITO? HEHE. MORE TO COME GUYS! NEXT ENTRY -- MGA PANALONG ONE-LINER NATEN AT MGA EKSENANG NAGPA-CART WHEEL SA ATING MGA RESEARCHERS (NOT Coordinators!) :D

A Change of Heart

2007-11-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

November 20, 2007 -- I finally decided to leave the show (SAPULSO - QTV 11) and move forward, so, I submitted my resignation letter to my Executive Producer, Program Manager and Production Administrator. I kept the letter straight to the point. Read this:

For: Mr. Chito Chan

Executive Producer, SAPULSO

Cc: Ms. Marimil Gutierrez

Program Manager, SAPULSO

Ms. Rebecca Villareal

Production Administrator, SAPULSO

From: Marc Roland A. Infante

Researcher, SAPULSO

Date: November 20, 2007

Dear Mr. Chan:

I am writing to officially tender my resignation as a researcher of SAPULSO effective December 24, 2007.

I would like to extend my gargantuan thanks to the show for giving me a productive and memorable first job after college. The past few weeks have been a difficult time for me as I deliberated the direction of my career and whether it would be best served staying or proceeding to the plans I have even before my graduation.

Thank you and God bless!

Sincerely,

(sgd.)

Marc Roland A. Infante

Honestly, I was teary-eyed while writing the letter, I enjoyed everything I did for the show and it made my network of contacts grow, tremendously. I really love what I am doing, researching, coordinating, scheduling shoots, going to places I've never been, discovering new things, learning... BUT I have to stop now. It's not quitting, just a change of heart.. Believe me.

So there. I still have a month to work on my final stories, and bond with the people whom I've first worked with as a "professional". Now I'm changing path, the direction isn't clear yet, but I know, I have prepared myself for this. I'm into adventure, so trying another field would not harm me I guess.

"Proceed with the plans I have when I was still in college" -- I'm keeping this thought in mind.

Well, plans include studying again, I mean, taking a master's degree. Working in Makati with regular working hours, having your weekend worry-free of work-related matters. These are my plans, if anything among these won't work out, I better try again. :D

So there. Gotta post after this entry why and how I made it to work in a network despite being a non-MassComm graduate.. Watch out! :D

Of Snacks and Revelations

2007-11-19T03:23:00.001-08:00

My buddy Edrienne (Edi) and I were comfortably eating snacks near the guard post of the building where we are working, when I unexpectedly and unintentionally narrated to her all that I was feeling that very moment. No influence of alcohol, but I was able to tell her all. Haha! Maybe I was just in a "natural high" state..

As if we're so free, I mean, people just passing by giving us quick stares but that's just it, quick stares.

We've shared same sentiments. Same views. She said, "When you want to forget someone, what you need is a new place, a new hobby, a new life and a new someone". Hehe. Hmm. Possible but then I told her, "What's hard about forgetting is that you have to remember what you have to forget".

It was an unforgettable talk, indeed.

Finding Glory in Online Writing?

2007-11-18T21:40:00.000-08:00

I remember posting an entry last May 2007 (friendster blogs) that I already stopped posting blogs because I don't get glory from it.. and it made me realize that is it really glory we should get from posting blogs or the satisfaction that you have expressed your thoughts in a way more detailed and substantial? I think the latter. And now that I have finally retrieved my blogger account, it's all systems go again for me! :D

I think the real glory of online writing is achieved after each entry has been posted, when you have spoken your mind and let out your sentiments.

Blogging is not about how infallible your grammar is, not about the tense consistensies, and not how your subject and verb agreed correctly.. It's about self-expression.. It's your mind and heart speaking. :D

The Sound of One Heart Breaking

2007-11-18T21:19:00.000-08:00

EVER COME ACROSS this Zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books? You know the one that asks what's the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what’s the sound of one heart breaking and I might provide you with some answers.

What is the sound of a heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals he gave you.

It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it’s the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.

It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love yous" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves of the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses he gave, the sound of the music he used to make going to your gut.

The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear.

It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of dying birds getting splattered on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as a feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

--this was written by KAREN KUNAWICZ, a columnist of Manila Times and Mirror Weekly.. Also a correspondent of Music News Asia

It all started here...

2006-06-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

(This is the version where my essay for the 100 Essays was inspired)

We're back in the Philippines and what I left behind in China are my new found friends - the Chinese students who have been so warm and accommodating.

I never expected that I would be emotionally-attached to them, it's truly unexpected. I found it hard to say my final words to each one of them, and there were no goodbyes to be said, only see you soon - with high hopes that I would be back, I would.

They made my stay in China memorable and really worth-reminiscing. Thanks to technology and we can still communicate with one another. Up to now, I still feel sad whenever thoughts of them come in to my mind, truly, it's Yesterday Once More...

We know in our hearts that Friendship - has no national boundaries...

The Jedi Force

2006-06-24T07:22:00.000-07:00

18 days of stay in China made 16 people stick to each other so tight. So tight that we often seek for each other's company. There were good and bad times, there were ups and downs, there were obstacles along the way, differences unsettled but we still "clicked" together.

China group, as we were, lived up to the expectations of the FEU community. There were those who raised their eyebrows with questions like "Who are they?" and "Are they qualified?". We just can't please everybody, but we did a good job (sounds self-righteous, huh!)

We dared not to entertain negative forces from the outside, what for? They can't help us in anyways, then and now.

Across the Barriers

2006-06-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

I posted this in the FEU Community Blog...

Day 2: May 16, 2006 (Tuesday)

Wow, the sun shines here in China at 5:30 a.m. The water was so cold when I took my bath, but I enjoyed it. Altogether, we went to the cafeteria to have our breakfast and the foods served were siomai, mantau, two 'unknown' dishes, HOT ORANGE JUICE and cold water (they served cold water just for us!). I love the tasty soup that was served.

After that, we went to our classroom for Chinese Language class. We met the President of Zhejiang Gongshang University and he personally welcomed us. There are 21 initials in Chinese language and though they claim that 12 of these have the same pronunciation as that of in English, we still found it hard to pronounce. We learned the basics in their language, like greeting others and introducing oneself. Miss Wang Fang (our instructor) gave us our Chinese names. Learning their language was indeed fun and challenging. We had an activity wherein we practiced it among ourselves. then, Miss Angela came in and told us that we can now make use of the computers in the computer rooms and then we went there and accessed our friendsters and yahoo! mails with much excitement. Then we realized that it was already 12:40pm and we should take our lunch, so, we hurried our way to the cafeteria (foods served were coated shrimp, veggies and still, there were unknown dishes). Then, after the lunch, I, Jellyn, Eula and Gino walked along the markets to buy some needed stuff.

Time: 2:30pm

The English professor assigned to me, Mr. Wang Zhen, met me at our hotel's lobby, and entrusted to me his students. They were Wanna, Cathy, civil, and Zoe. We went to their room so we can have our English conversations. They accepted me warmly. I was delighter with the decors in their room. I asked them to tell something about themselves and with speeches, they never failed to include information about their families such as how many they are, the occfupation of their parents and how proud they are with their hometowns. By the way, all my students today were all Electronic Engineering freshmen. Hmm, they gave me a bottle of mineral water. :-) We talked about the China and Philippines. We had a dynamic discussion since everybody participated. They are good English speakers but since they have this British accent, I somehow found it hard to understand the words they uttered. They showed me a magazine of Chinese superstars and I really don't know who they are. Haha! They told me that June 1 in China is Children's Day wherein parents buy new clothes for their children and bring them to amusement parks and restaurants.

Time: 3:40pm

I transferred to the next room and I met four new girls. They were Cherry, Catherine, Wnedy, and Jenny. Jenny was late because she attended an organization's meeting. Since this was our first meeting, I let them introduced themselves. They gave information about their families, why they chose Electonic Engineering as their course and the beauty of their hometowns. I asked them questions about China so that they can express themselves in English and at the same time, I gain info about their country. In return, I told them facts about our country and they were really amazed. By the way, they gave me a Chinese tea. It didn't smell good but the taste was tolerable and it refreshed my system. This group was a little shy and they avoid the limelight. i told them that the best way to speak good English is through practice.

---Around 5pm, we took our dinner but the food was served at around 5:30 pm and I have a class at 6pm so I rushed in finishing my food. There was a slimey veggie and fish.

Time: 6pm

I went to the dorm of my students. Building #24 (male dorm). When I entered the room, there were 12 people inside instead of only 4. They were all nice. There I met Joe, Weida, Kevin, Devin, Sky, Rain, Gilbert, Sheidan, Hamilton, Leon and others. Same routine, I asked them to say aomething about themselves. Chinese guys love to play basketball, football, and computer games. I couldn't believe I was able to laugh at their jokes. This group had an overflowing energy that I was able to absorb. One factor that made us jive is our age (we are all 20 years old!).

Time: 7:10 pm

I transferred to the next room, there were 7 peeps inside instead of only 4. This was the best group for the day since I learned a lot from them. I came to know Napoleon, Ace, Grubby, and Sky and others. What were the things I learned from them? First, A chinese couple is only allowed to have one child becuase of the One-child policy existing here and second, they were already one year old when they were born (it depends from what part of China they came from). They told me that they are willing to tour me in the beautiful places of Hangzhou if time would permit.

The discussions I had with my Chinese students made me realize that barriers are not really barriers, since we could conquer it. Barriers between these two races like language was overpowered by our desire to merge as 'friends' and of course, through the power of English Language!

From Philippines to China; FEU to ZJGSU

2006-06-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

I posted this in the FEU Community Blog...

Day 1: May 15, 2006.

We were at the airport as early as 7am. We checked in at around 9:30 a.m. and boarded at 10:45. Before, 11:30, our craft took off. Everybody was excited. "THIS IS IT" as many of us have said. It was my first time to ride an airplane and to leave our country as well.
Viewing some part of the Philippines from the top wasn't really pleasant to the eyes (just my personal comment and Tanya's as well).

Inside, I observed eagerly, how the plane moved, the other passengers and the crews as well. I was lucky since my seat was assigned right next to the window. I could not forget the view where all i could see was a sea of clouds. 12:30pm, they served the lunch. "Fish or pork?", the steward asked, I chose fish. Haha! It's almost tasteless but the side dishes tasted good especially the mocha cake. By the way, thank God because Typhoon Caloy never hampered our trip, but according to the news, the typhoon's next destination is at China (and Hangzhou is included). Oh my!

Around 2:30 pm, we were at the Pudong Shanghai International Airport, as we approached the land, viewing China from the top was a great sight since it looks like a big "game board". The airport was really fascinating (big, clean, and deadly cold). We lined up at the immigration, foreigner's counter (haha! we're foreigners at last!) to have our passports stamped. But the counter where Jellyn, Gino, and I lined up at moved so slow and it took us approximately 30 minutes just to have our passports stamped. The three of us felt lost and helpless, most of the people don't speak English and when we heard a German spoke in English, we felt a sense of relief and let out a big sigh. JOE from Zhejiang Gongshang University met us at the airport and he was able to identify us easily since we are wearing the FEU jacket. We rode the University's bus and we travelled for 3 hours all the way to Hangzhou from Shanghai (guess what! no traffic jam!). The sight going there was also beautiful, from the buildings to the trees! hehe.

After the energy-draining travel, we finally reached ZJGSU. The place is so big, with 107 hectares! Wow, isn't it? I dream of seeing a heavenly place like this but not so soon! The weather is chilling... I was assigned to Room 217 (of Building #21, the Guest House) with Bam, the magna cum laude from FEU-IE. The room is clean and spaceous with 2 single beds and a rest room. It's like a studio-type condo unit with a terrace adjacent to the University road. After 30 minutes of rest, we went to the cafeteria for our dinner. Foods served were pork (i think it's their version of ADOBO), steamed bean sprouts, sauted eggs with tomatoes and a chinese soup with extracted dried veggies. It all tasted good. We asked for cold water but we found out that they don't serve cold water due their chilling weather, so, we had hot water instead. Shwei is water in chinese and Ping shwei is water with ice. Haha! We learned about this from Miss Angela, the coordinator. By the way, Giesa and I set a goal for ourselves, we have to learn to use chopsticks effortlessly before the term ends! Haha!

After the dinner, we met the Chinese students who live in the so-called English Dormitory of ZJGSU, these students can speak good English and they are going to guide us in our stay here. I met Rock, Rambo, and Cristina, etc. (these are their English names). They toured us in some portion of their university while chatting about China stuff. They are really accommodating and nice.

Around 10pm, am back in my room. I stayed at the terrace for some time, just looking around, I couldn't still believe that I'm finally in China. but since it's cold outside, it made me believe that i really am in China already (haha!), after the long preparation before going here (from our NBI clearances to our Visas).

After some minutes of chat with my roommate, about our insights toward China and overwhelming encounter with Chinese youngsters (like us), I signed off and took a well-deserved rest. Though it's cold in here, we still turned on the aircon. Haha!

This was my first night in China!

Thanks for reading. Knowing that you have read this would really make me smile!

Take part in our journey in the Socialist country, China, through this FEU Community Blog! Thanks again!

Friendship has no National Boundaries

2006-06-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

I submitted this to Dean An Lim for the 100 Essays...

“No goodbyes to be said, only see you again”. These were my exact words to my new found Chinese friends on the day before we left Hangzhou. I don’t exactly know what my words meant by then, whether it was just uttered to compose my overflowing melancholy of leaving behind the place I considered my home or just to pacify my downhearted feeling of not seeing again the people who treated me so nice and accepted me despite the racial differences. No. I would definitely be back to Hangzhou – heaven on earth- by all means.

I said to myself that I would keep my relationship to the Chinese students on professional level, since I was their Foreign Teacher Assistant. No emotional attachments if possible, but I failed. I failed to keep it that way since I was totally swept off by their warm and incomparable appreciation of who I am. Okay. I have emotional attachments with them. Then, I told myself that I would limit that affecting connection in such a way I would not be longing to see them after we left, again, I failed. Tears ran down my cheeks when we traversed our way to the Shanghai Pudong airport from their university. My tears were sign of my deep affection for them and my positive reception of who they are.

I don’t know how to capture all the memories we all made together. There were times when I found myself in stillness and reminiscing the moments I was with them. The laughter we had that echoed in their dormitories, the almost endless chats about my and their culture, the never-ending question and answer portion, and the long walks in their campus. All these and more were my blissful experiences with them. All I could do is to look back to these memoirs and look forward to the chance of going back to their place again.

While still there, I thought fearfully of how I am going to maintain the connection that we have. I was dead-scared of losing that connection, actually, of losing them. I did what was proper, which was to list down their e-mail addresses and mobile numbers. I am indebted so much to technology since I won’t lose touch with my friends in Hangzhou. I gave them my word that I would be sending them messages as often as possible. Wide smiles flashed on their faces when they heard that, my heart then was overwhelmed.

When I arrived home on the same day we left China, I immediately checked my e-mail and I would like to share the original messages they sent me (never mind their lapses in grammar): These were just some of the email messages that I received from my friends who study at Zhejiang Gongshang University, in the City of Hangzhou, Province of Zhejiang, in the People’s Republic of China.

Dear Marc!
Hello, I'm James. Have you got home? Are you tired during the travel.Maybe you are sleeping now.
I'm happy with you during these days. I think that you're a energic boy. Sometimes I'm incommunicative because because I don't kowe you well.Infact,I'm very voluble when I talk with my friends.I hope you will be my friend.
On the night of tuesday,we played games ,sang and danced together.I'm very happy that night and I will put these memorize in my heart.
Wish you and your parents healthy !
Best wishes!
Yours James
"Æ¥ÀÇ Æß" ilovecaiye@yahoo.com.cn

Dear Marcky
I hope you are well. Fist, I should say sorry to you. I didn`t take part in the next two conversation with you and my classmates. I even didn`t attend the party you and your friends` farewells. I`m really very sorry.Please forgive me.
Could you listen to my explanation ? Those days my good friend come to see me. He study in a very good university in shanghai .We haven`t seen each other for almost one year since we gratituded from High school. I missed him very much. I must see him .
Now, I want to thank you .The days we spent together were one of the happist time of my life .My classsmates and I are all miss you so much.
Personally speaking, I don`t want our relatonship to be teacher and student. I want to make friends with you .You are not the only foreigner who I see. But in my eyes, you are a very lovely boy. You have bright smile and hurmous action . You are the same age as I. Perhaps you can be my elder brother if you want.
I `m soryy to say that I must stop. The class will begain. I must go. Could you tell me your QQ number ? Mine is 125825998.
Waiting for your letter .May you everything goes well.
Best wishes to you .

Yours Celia ÇÚ ½ª"

Dear Marc
I am sorry.The first day when you leaved,I sent an E-mail to to you but not succeed,because of wrong E-mail address.
During these days ,we fell very happy with you .The first time we meet you ,we know you are very friendly and humorus. I regard you as my elder brother and I will put these memories into my heart.this time I sent some photoes of scenery that in CHINA to you .
I hope we could meet again.May be there are some grammar mistakes in this E-mail,I beg your pardon.
Best Wishes for you and your family!
Yours Bruce hongze1986@163.com

Dear marc:
How are you? The final examination is coming, so all of us are busy preparing for it.
I miss you very much. I miss your charming eyes, your voice, you smile, your tears. I am very sorry I didn’t see you off on the day you left. I just hate the feeling of parting, I don’t want to cry or see your tear again. I will remember your big smile that night. That night is the most unforgettable time that we spent. Those interesting small games we played that night are games that we played in our childhood. That night I felt I had fount my lost innocence. You made me felt like to be a child again. We sang and danced. I really want to say: thank you, Marc!
It’s a pity that the time we stay together was so short. The first time we saw you, we felt nervous and we felt the way we treat you wasn’t good enough. Our English teacher said you were a sunny boy. In addition, I think you are a very lovely big boy. Do you know the last time I saw you appeared at the gate of our classroom, how sad and happy I was! Because that meant you would left soon. My eyes also were full of tears. I knew I cried, for you, for a foreign friend’s left. Maybe we will never see each other again. But I will remember and believe your words that we will see each other soon.
I am waiting for you to come to China again. What’s more, I haven’t got your phone number, could you tell me? I’m waiting for your response eagerly.
Wish you all the best!
Yours Daisy

I had an indescribable feeling when I read their messages; it was truly a mixture of emotions. The bond that connects us is beyond explanation. At first, I thought I would have difficulties dealing with them because of the many barriers, especially in the language. But now, I know that barriers are not really barriers, since we emerged as friends and overpowered the differences that we embrace.

Though it would only take two hours and a half going to Shanghai from Manila by airplane, then three hours of bus ride from Shanghai to Hangzhou. Comparing it here, it’s just like going to Baguio City. But it is still far. It is still another land. We may be separated geographically and we may just reach one another through technology, but I could sense genuine friendships that make my heart celebrate.

I am a Filipino. They are Chinese. We are Friends. Friendship knows no national boundaries.

Is there an AutoLoadMax shortage all over the archipelago? hehe

2006-04-25T01:28:00.000-07:00

i was thinking what to post in my blogspot, but i wasn't able to think of any... i wanted to write about my excitement of procuring my passport tomorrow (but before that, NBI and Barangay Clearances first). i don't know how long it will take me to acquire those documents. all i know is that, i need that for our teach and study program in China (hopefully i will be included in the final list). Enough of those side stories (hehe), i asked my friend to load my cellphone with 60 pesos but dyaraan! "wala daw autoload sa buong pilipinas!".. oh! what a pleasant surprise! what will happen next? do i have to buy a cellcard (maybe the cheapest which is 100 pesos), but i find it hard now to scratch the silver coating (if that's what you call it) :-) just to reveal the card number and card pin.. For me, that's too much effort. Oh, that's too indolent of me! hehe.. Am just sharing my sentiments, you know! i will be doing my analysis regarding these things later...

my stomach aches...

2006-04-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

after skipping two meals (breakfast and lunch), i took a well-deserved meal together with weber. Duh! i found sufficiency with "footsilog" (footlong, sinangag, and itlog) plus an 'extra' rice... instead of drinking water, i drank pop cola. And now my stomach aches... sorry for being so insensible, forgive me.

confused and still hurtin'

2006-04-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

i don't know why but i'm really hurtin' deep within - - - what's with that smile that melts my heart? what's with that laugh that serves as a music to my soul? what's with you that makes me happy? whenever you're around, whenever i'm with you, i can't explain how and why, but there's this magic that lingers my entirety... i know it seems foolish but i'm truly gettin' addicted to you, it may not be right but the hell i care, yeah! i love you! no, i really have fallen in love with you... but 'til when should i wait? it's impossible for you to love me the way i do... i tried to pull away but i just can't... damn! you're always in my mind, whatever i do, wherever i am, you're always there! isn't enough? are you numb? can't you feel it? minamahal kita... wag mo na akong pahirapan pa... :-(

My Book Review on By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept

2006-04-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept
By Paulo Coelho
Translated By Alan R. Clarke

By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept is a story of two lovers that come together again after 12 long years. The woman is named Pilar who has become independent and strong. Her childhood friend has become a handsome spiritual leader. She has learned to bury her feelings, while he has turned to religion as a refuge from his inner conflicts.

The book discusses life’s big questions and presents realizations on our contemporary religion. It also showcases insights about love and the other elements that love encompasses.

The story’s beginning is its ending. It started by Pilar’s recollection of what had transpired in her reunion with her childhood friend. The work is structured through the use of dates in a span of one week. It helps to understand and visualize the situation they are in. it also justifies how the two major characters spent a day of being together again after 12 long years of longingness and concealment of their true feelings.

The story is told from the perspective of the woman (Pilar). She is revealed to the readers as someone who longs to see her friend since she was a child. To take a woman’s perspective would present emotions and ideas that are once not free from the biases and prejudices of the society. It also implies that not only men have the monopoly over things that concern insights and ideas on love, life, societal issues, and religion.

Pilar and her childhood friend (whose name was never mentioned) in the story, and the other minor characters represent the many conflicts that besiege us in our quest for love. The characters that were not named represent anyone who sees themselves to any of the characters in the story. They conveyed to us that sadness, suffering, and abandonment are elements of ‘love’ that we need not fear of experiencing. The characters are fictitious, but they let us realize that we have to overcome our fears, because the spiritual path can only be traveled through the daily experience of love.

The time setting of the story is conventional and the place set is Spain and France. The story did tackle of religions of the human race and the place setting helps the readers understand where the characters are coming from since Spain and France are nations enveloped with religion.

A crystal-clear discussion on love and life is fascinating. This book talks about love and life that go hand in hand, and is equated to saying that this book is fully-fascinating.

The book also tackled the possibility that God has a feminine face. Enough to say that this book used the perspective of the feminists. I respect Coelho’s idea but I decline to delve on that matter, not because I close my mind regarding it but because I chose not to go beyond the religion I grew up knowing. Moreover, our faith keeps us going and the truth resides where there is faith.

By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept is the fourth novel of Paulo Coelho that I have read. The other three are The Alchemist, Eleven Minutes, and Veronika Decides To Die. All these books were able to touch my heart’s soft spot. Coelho’s works moved me and appealed to my senses. The Brazilian author never fails to let his readers appreciate life more and give clear-cut thoughts about it.

Publisher: Harper-Collins Publications
Number of Pages: 180 (excluding the Author’s note)

To Love is to Lose Control… marcky_24

My Vision to a Better World

2006-04-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

Helen Keller once said, “The most pathetic man on earth is one who has sight, but has no vision”. Before, I only see the problems and the flaws of the society I am in and did finger-pointing without resolving any of these. I concede that I do not have the right to complain, when in fact, I just see these problems as problems. Now, I am better. Problems are now challenges I have to take. I know I have to start it with myself and it would somehow lessen the burdens of the society.

My vision to a better world is when the time comes that everyone would realize the purpose of their existence. The world is better when everyone knows what role they should perform and able to live not only for themselves but for others. Selfless living is equated to a world where the ‘essentials of life’ is present: trust, love, respect and faith.

Let us remember that vision without action is just a dream, action without vision is just passing the time, and vision with action can change the world. I challenge my fellow youth to take chances, create a stand and make a change. We are the catalyst of social transformation, and we have the fate of the ‘better’ world in our hands. Just keep the faith.

An Introduction

2006-04-20T22:11:00.000-07:00

One night, before I went to sleep, I stood before the mirror in my bedroom trying to ponder about the many changes I had undergone. I came to a realization that so many things had changed in me, from the physical to my intellectual attributes. I am no longer the chummy friend I knew before, the childish and immature one. I present a different me now.

Let me tell you who I am now in three descriptions that speak well of me:

First, I am a warrior in the ways; I surpass the toughs and roughs of life. Circumstances never hamper my options in life, since I don’t allow it to do so. Another, I usually detach myself from the world but it doesn’t mean that I don’t let experiences penetrate me. Instead, I let it in fully;

Second, I am a hopeless romantic. I don’t search for someone to love because stupid it may seem, I believe that it will come knocking on my heart’s door. I put high value on coincidences, serendipity, and destiny. I believe in soulmates, that someone is intended to meet me at the crossroad, in the process of pursuing the blueprint of my life.

Lastly, I am an extremely sensitive person. Sometimes, my emotions overpower my more logical side. I embark upon a course of action, only to change my mind halfway, because it simply doesn’t feel right.

I am a warrior, a hopeless romantic, and an extremely sensitive person. That’s how I know myself but the moment I face other people, they give me another definition of who I am. It doesn’t confuse me; it only proves to show that I deal differently with different people. I ask myself over and over again whether, “Am I being unfair when I treat them with certain leveling or maybe I simply give them what they deserve from me?” Admittedly, I’m still in the phase of finding out the answer to this mind-boggling question.

The people in my circle give me the three “Essentials of Life”, which is love, trust, and respect. I also do the same, only I give it out, too easily. Yes, I give out love, trust, and respect that easily because I have this firm disposition that all deserve it regardless of who they are and where they come from. But once the one I love hurts me, I will remember the pain. Once the one I trust, betrays me, I will remember the betrayal. Once the one I respect disdains me, I will remember the contempt. It is disheartening to admit that once these Essentials of Life are gone, redeeming it would shy away from the possibilities.

My imperfections keep me going and it gives me an everyday struggle for perfection. As they say, “Nobody’s perfect,” but everybody tries to be perfect. I know what I stated will make eyebrows rise inches above its original location. Nothing is wrong to aim for perfection and nothing is wrong to set standards of my own. To be perfect will stop me from my noble pursuits of making this world a better place to live in and of promoting peace among the entities that survive along with me. I’m imperfect but absolutely doing just fine.

I have made myself known to whoever reads this paper; you have created your impressions of me in approximately three minutes. If destiny will permit, find me in the campus where I roam around, and give me the only chance to know you and you to know me, and you will have reasons for me to stay in your life. Right there and then, you can conclude who I am. Again, I’m imperfect and I don’t have everything, because to have everything will undermine the values of needing and wanting.

starting over...

2006-04-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

omg, i want to start the school year right, and the right thing is to have a blogspot... hehe. my friends have been constantly encouraging me to have one and i finally did! Expect that i will regularly update my blog. Hey! why sentiments? hehe, simply because what i will post here are my sentiments over things. I am a person who's full of sentiments... hehe. So watch out!