I Died On The 5th Of December

I remember a chant in the movie "V for Vendetta" that starred Natalie Portman -- "Remember, remember the 4th of November".. and I have my own chant somehow similar to it -- "Never Remember the 5th of December"..

December 5, 2006 - who would have thought that I'll be in a relationship again after almost 4 long years of avoiding and depriving myself to fall in love. Yes, this date marked another milestone in my love affairs. It wasn't expected. It was just for fun, but the next thing we knew, we're serious about the relationship already.

The first few days were spent in adjusting to the set up we have. I was too attached with my friends then that placed my love life on the backseat. I was the type who would never yield to the demands of my partner, in a way, I was a bit apathetic (but in love).. Going home together wasn't a good idea for me, instead, staying out late with friends was better.. Reporting what I'm doing or telling my whereabouts wasn't my kind of game.. Let me live my life and you live yours, that's the deal.. BUT.. one day I woke up totally changed in dealing with our relationship.

WHY, you may ask, four things I'll tell you -- faith, trust, love, and respect are the answers to the "why" question.

Friendship wasn't really the foundation of our relationship, since we weren't friends before. We just used to see each other in the campus, belonging to one organization and one institute. The friendship actually started when we both attended a national congress for college students in Baguio from November 29 to December 3, 2006.. Two days after the congress, when we're finally back in Manila -- there came "us".

As I scribble my thoughts as of this moment, it's been 365 days since the birth of "us". Today, no anniversary is being celebrated - 2 days from now, it will be 5 months since we broke up.. The relationship may have just lasted for 7 months, one can't tell if it's short or long, but for me, it seemed forever.. :(

It was just infatuation at first, and infatuation died its natural death and love blossomed -- that's how our relationship built its foundation. Many has mistaken infatuation for love, but I tell you, and I need not explain, when is the time you know you are in love, truly in love.

COMPASSION. OBSESSION. DIFFUSION. These are the 3 factors you have to deal with when you made a decision to love.

You have to be compassionate with your partner, if not, what's the point of loving? Compassion signifies oneness. In a relationship, I believe, two individuals fuse as one. You love your partner without knowing why or how, you just love unconditionally. You share even you don't have anything, you give even without taking..

Along the way, without actually knowing it, you become obsess to your partner.. you'll never let a day pass without seeing him or her; you talk over the phone without recognizing the passing of time, you text till you both drop to sleep without missing the chance to say "I love you. Good night." and that's not all to it, you still chat over instant messaging, and you guys are connected in online communities like Friendster and Multiply.. and when you are together somewhere, there's no urge to go home even if it's already too late and you keep on saying goodbye but no one wanted to leave first and when you actually parted ways, you miss each other as if you never spent long hours together.. Obsession or not? Your partner never leaves your mind, whatever you do, wherever you are, so there, obsession.

But it has been said that some good things never last, no matter how colorful and promising your love life is, just like any relationships in history, it is bound to end and take its final bow. Here comes diffusion. You have to learn to detach yourself from anything that would remind you of your partner and even to him or her.. That's the way things has to be.. "letting go was never an easy thing" and "letting go was just another way of saying I will always love you so".. you simply have to let go and get hurt, get hurt until it hurts no more. Nights will be spent wondering what went wrong in your relationship, hugging your pillow so tight wishing you're together again, and you'll wake up feeling so alone and cursing the sun why it still dawned on you, wanting darkness to envelope you for eternity since losing your partner means death and yes, I died on the 5th of December.

Tomorrow I know I will love again. And with that, I will be resurrected.

"FIVE 4 FiGHTiNG" will always be in my heart, BUT I have to say goodbye for now, BEBI.. Let me love another so I will grow...